tidying up, and some changes
hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? i’m not gonna do the whole self-deprecating song and dance worrying over “not posting enough”—i just didn’t feel up to making blog posts for a while. life happens, moods shift, etc. there’s been a lot of big changes in my life for the past several months, and… it’s been pretty overwhelming!! some of these changes been really positive and freeing, and some of it is honestly terrifying. i’m still working through a lot of it.
recently, i was chatting with Damien about blog redesigns1, and those conversations got me thinking about web design again, so… i wanted to spruce up my blog a bit!
i didn’t touch the css too much—the main thing i changed was adding IBM Plex Mono as a secondary font, for dates, tags, and tables—but i made a new home page. it’s still fairly simple, but it looks much less like a temporary placeholder, in my opinion!
obviously, the most important addition… is my fursona!!! look at them.
i’ve been exploring this part of myself for the past few months, and it’s been an utterly fascinating experience! i never thought it’d be so fulfilling for me. to be honest, for years, i struggled to relate to a lot of the furry experiences and feelings… i’ve known friends and acquaintances who were in furry communities, so it wasn’t for a lack of exposure or anything. it’s just something i had to approach on my own time, on my own terms.
oh, but it’s been so much fun to play around with my kittycat. i love drawing them so, so much. it’s interesting to have a sona that represents me, and feels so much like me… but there’s juuuust enough mental separation, allowing me to safely experiment with aspects of myself that i’ve been too afraid to confront.
there was a part of me that felt kind of embarrassed that it took me this long to play around with making myself as a funny animal. like… for a lot of people, it’s been a part of their lives for many, many years. it makes me feel sheepish, i suppose, for being so new to all of this.
this has been a recurring theme in my life lately. this feeling of being a “late bloomer”, exploring facets of myself that were too terrifying for me to confront until now… it’s a strange, solemn emotion. i don’t normally experience FOMO—if i miss out on something, it was simply not meant to be—and yet, i’m still mourning these lost moments. it feels like i’ve wasted so much time doing… Nothing.
but… it’s better to let yourself explore new things and move forward, than to get hung up on missed opportunities. there’s always new things to learn and discover about yourself, and the world around you. that’s what i’ve been trying to take to heart, at least.
there’s so much cruelty, violence, and hate in the world. i’m sure that you, the reader, are aware of that. i do not aim to cover up or ignore those facts.2 rather… well, i’d like to share things that remind me that life is still worth living. that’s the kind of energy that i’ve been trying to bring into this year. thank you for reading.
i worked on his new dark mode theme >:3 (also i’m sorry to all the devs who struggle with making dark mode themes look good) (i can’t help being so light sensitive ok)↩
just gonna point out that i live in the Twin Cities area in Minnesota, and good lord have things been insanely stressful this year lmfao.↩